Money is the most mixed concept to me. Because I fucking hate the feeling of anxiety from not having it, worrying about how to get it, the stress, the toxicity it creates, all of it. But man do I like buying shit.
I’m posting this one late and it’s the first time I’m doing it. I was proud of myself for keeping up with it so well but some days you just really really don’t want to do a thing. In some ways I’ve gotten so much better in the past year and I acknowledge it but it feels like I have so much longer to go. But giving up isn’t going to get me anywhere.
Online dating is kind of a scam. Like limiting how many people you can like or dislike every 12/24 hours puts you at SUCH a disadvantage when guys that may or may not be more attractive are paying the premium to be seen. That’s why I went ahead and paid for Tinder. I’d feel like a dipshit if I didn’t get two girl’s numbers already.
I know it’s easy to get stuck in a loop with depression. Because you’re upset it’s much harder to remember the good memories. But I feel like my life is a straight up joke. It’s so hard to connect with people and when I do they just let me down. How are some of the rudest and dumbest people able to have others in their lives? They contribute nothing and they’re a pain for everyone but they’re still tolerated and not casted away? How am I suppose to find anyone to be with? I feel like I’m never even given a chance and it doesn’t help that losing weight is so damn hard! I just want to be with someone and I don’t understand why or how it works out for other people. The only girlfriend I’ve had treated me like absolute dogshit, the one person I was able to connect with made me feel horrible every day we dated. Now I’m laying in bed all alone and it feels like my college days before we dated; all alone, wondering if anyone will ever want to be with me. I feel so unloved
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