Screaming in Wingdings

I’d like to not talk about online dating. I really would. But it’s controlling my life. I’m so empty that this is kind of the only thing going on and it’s destroying my ego. 

Online dating is so reductive. I’m not trying to sound deep when I say this but how are you suppose to condense someone into 500 characters and a few photos? Can’t believe I dropped actual money on this shit too. I just want someone to be nice to me and appreciate me. I’ve got so much to give and no one to offer it to.

I went from bad to amazing to awful in a week. Like literally seven days. If you’ve ever flaked on anybody you’re an absolute sack of shit. I hate you. 

Not sure how I can feel this empty inside. I only want one thing in this world and it seems impossible to get. Not sure if I should accept that I can’t have it or keep trying, and I know I should do the latter but I don’t want to anymore. It’s too painful. 

Stupidly decided to ask strangers on the internet for tinder advice on my profile and didn’t get constructive criticism, my self esteem ain’t so good right now. If this girl bails on our date, and it feels like she will, I don’t even know what I’ll do with myself. 

Online dating is kind of a scam. Like limiting how many people you can like or dislike every 12/24 hours puts you at SUCH a disadvantage when guys that may or may not be more attractive are paying the premium to be seen. That’s why I went ahead and paid for Tinder. I’d feel like a dipshit if I didn’t get two girl’s numbers already. 

The good news is I’ve gotten quite a few Tinder matches recently. The bad news is they’ve all been bots, usually for someone’s OnlyFans. I swear to god, if these two girls I just messaged are fake I’m gonna lose it. 

I had a blog in mind but just got an ad for a Galaga rip off. Maybe I should just use the official website and stop using this shitty app. 

I really wish stimulants didn’t give me such terrible come downs. They’re so good for not being hungry, and all the drugs I like make me hungry. Maybe I should just get lipo.

I feel like I already complained about online dating but I just started it last week. For so long I swore it off, partly because I was at a disadvantage because of my height; I don’t care if I’m short and I don’t care if a woman is taller than me but it’s definitely something an amount of women care about. It was also partly because I needed to lose weight, which I’m in the process of doing, but I gained an amount of muscle. Might not be at my ideal weight but I look better and feel more confident. And lastly I strongly prefer talking to someone in person if I’m trying to get with them, this feels like some AIM chat shit. It’s also pretty reductive for a person to be judged on six pictures and 500 characters. But today I saw I got two matches. They were both quite attractive. I got super excited at first, then I looked at their profiles. There’s so little info I’d be shocked if they weren’t bots. But please, for the love of god, be real.